Today, I received a rejection from one of the agents who requested my full manuscript. One left, and then I have to decide whether to self-publish or toss it.
My confidence level is at an all time low. And yes, I'm having a huge pity party. I deserve to have one every now and again. My skin is not as thick as I let people think. I worked hard on that novel, and I know it's better than some of the stuff already on the shelves, but it's apparently not good enough for anyone to want to represent me, except me.
This has me questioning whether it is any good. If I self publish, will everyone think I'm just some crappy writer with a self inflated view of their own work? I don't know anymore. I see books on the bestseller list that have me perplexed. And I think well maybe if I turned it into a "mommy porn" book someone would think it was worth publishing.
I'm really not sure that the quality of writing matters much anymore. Maybe I'm putting too much effort into it. Maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things. Maybe I just need to write about teenage vampires and BDSM.
Seriously, I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I just don't get the publishing industry anymore. Or maybe I don't understand the audience anymore.
What I do know is that I'm frustrated.